Marriage & Family

Studying the most recent general conference talks using the monthly doctrinal topics from the youth curriculum has been a challenging and rewarding experience. This month’s topic, marriage and family, has indeed been challenging, but in a different way. There were no talks given on marriage and only one talk was specific to family. However, as we study the general conference talks as we have been asked to do, we will find many references to home and family, some which are very personal and profound. If we will apply the lessons we learn from these experiences and counsel, they will definitely strengthen and enrich our homes, our marriages and our families.

Gérald Caussé said, “Our homes … are ‘the primary sanctuaries of our faith.’ It is most often in our homes that we pray, we bless, we study, we teach the word of God, and we serve with pure love. I can testify from personal experience that our homes are sacred places where the Spirit can abound—as much as, and sometimes even more than, in our formal places of worship.1

Similarly, Devin G. Durrant declared, “As parents, we introduce our children to Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. We help our children say their first prayer. We offer guidance and support as they enter the covenant path through baptism. We teach them to obey God’s commandments. We educate them about His plan for His children, and we help them recognize the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. We tell them stories of ancient prophets and encourage them to follow living ones. We pray for their triumphs and ache with them during their trials. We testify to our children of temple blessings, and we strive to prepare them well to serve full-time missions. We offer loving counsel as our children become parents themselves. But—even then—we never stop being their parents. We never stop being their teachers. We are never released from these eternal callings.”2

What a great blessing and responsibility is ours to teach our children, especially about sacred things! And opportunities abound everywhere. Some of those opportunities take place in our homes during family home evening, family prayer and family scripture study. These are all things we have been counseled to do for many years. And there have been some incredible blessings promised for following that counsel!

To those more formal ways, Brother Durrant adds what he calls “on-call teaching” and “example teaching.” These opportunities can happen anytime and anywhere. I will share three such examples that were given in April’s general conference.

Massimo De Feo learned pure love from his mother. Many years ago, he was visiting with his mother who was dying of cancer. Elder De Feo was very concerned that she was suffering. Although he didn’t say anything to her, she could sense his concern. His mother was not a member of the Church, so she asked her son to teach her to pray. She said, “Can you teach me how to pray? I want to pray for you. I know you start by saying, ‘Dear Heavenly Father,’ but then what should I say?” Elder De Feo then shared this tender experience, “As I knelt next to her bed and she prayed for me, I felt a love never felt before. It was simple, true, pure love. Although she didn’t know about the plan of salvation, she had in her heart her personal plan of love, the plan of love of a mother for her son. She was in pain, struggling to even find the strength to pray. I could barely hear her voice, but I surely felt her love. I remember thinking, ‘How can someone who is in such great pain pray for someone else? She is the one in need.’ Then the answer came clearly to my mind: pure love. She loved me so much that she forgot about herself. In her most critical hour, she loved me more than herself.”3 What a wonderful example of pure, Christlike love this son learned from his mother – one he would never forget!

Taylor G. Godoy shared an “on-call teaching” experience he had with his mother. One semester in dental school when he needed to buy all his surgical equipment before enrolling in his classes, the economy became very unstable. Even though his parents had saved the money that they thought would be needed, when they went to purchase the equipment, their money would only buy one piece of equipment. His mother took him to town and into a jewelry store. Elder Godoy explained his experience, “My mother took out of her purse a small blue velvet bag containing a beautiful gold bracelet with an inscription that read, ‘To my dear daughter from your father.’ It was a bracelet that my grandfather had given her on one of her birthdays. Then, before my eyes, she sold it. When she received the money, she told me, ‘If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that you are going to be a dentist. Go and buy all the equipment you need.’ Now, can you imagine what kind of student I became from that moment on? I wanted to be the best and finish my studies soon because I knew the high cost of the sacrifice she was making.”4 Elder Godoy’s mother taught him a lesson about sacrifice he would never forget.

These are perfect examples of what Brother Durrant meant when he said, “We always need to be ready to teach our children because we never know when the opportunity will present itself.”2

Larry J. Echo Hawk spoke about his brother and sister-in-law being killed by a drunk driver and of his broken heart and anger toward the young man who was responsible. Yet the example of his parents and sister helped teach him how to forgive. At the end of the young man’s sentencing hearing, Elder Echo Hawk’s parents and sister, holding back their own emotions, approached the young man’s crying parents. “After a moment,” Elder Echo Hawk shared, “my parents and sister stood up and walked to the driver’s parents and offered them words of comfort and forgiveness. The men shook hands; the women held hands; there was deep sorrow and tears for all and a recognition that both families had suffered immensely. Mom, Dad, and Katy led the way with their quiet strength and courage and showed our family what forgiveness looks like. That outreach of forgiveness in those moments caused my own heart to soften and opened a pathway to healing. Over time I learned how to have a forgiving heart. … My heart will always miss Tommy and Joan, but forgiveness now allows me to remember them with unfettered joy. And I know we will be together again as a family.”5

Brother Durrant also stated, “Our most impactful parental teaching is our example.”2 Elder Echo Hawk’s parents set an unforgettable, powerful and impactful example of forgiveness!

Words of counsel and encouragement were given specifically to both fathers and mothers. To the fathers, Dallin H. Oaks emphasized the importance of having the priesthood in our homes and the blessings that can come to the family when a father worthily holds the priesthood. President Oaks taught that fathers are to “counsel the members of his family, hold family meetings, give priesthood blessings to his wife and children, or give healing blessings to family members. … Fathers who hold the Melchizedek Priesthood should keep the commandments so they will have the power of the priesthood to give blessings to their family members. Fathers should also cultivate loving family relationships so that family members will want to ask their fathers for blessings. And parents should encourage more priesthood blessings in the family. Fathers, function as ‘equal partners’ of your wives, as the family proclamation teaches. And, fathers, when you are privileged to exercise the power and influence of your priesthood authority, do so ‘by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned’ (D&C 121:41). That high standard for the exercise of priesthood authority is most important in the family.”6

Encouragingly, Brian K. Taylor said, “To mothers, especially young mothers, who often feel overwhelmed and underwater while striving to raise ‘a sin-resistant generation,’ never underestimate your central role in God’s plan. In stressful moments—perhaps when you are chasing little ones and a charred smell from the kitchen informs you that your lovingly prepared dinner is now a burnt offering—know that God sanctifies your most difficult days. ‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee,’ He peacefully reassures.”7

There are many demands on us as parents. Sometimes we feel as if there isn’t enough time to do all the things that we need to do. We need to be careful that the small and simple spiritual things do not take a backseat to less important tasks. President Oaks stressed that seemingly small and simple things have a powerful effect over time. “We are taught many small and simple things in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need to be reminded that in total and over a significant period of time, these seemingly small things bring to pass great things. … Consider the scripture study we’ve been taught to incorporate into our daily lives. Or consider the personal prayers and the kneeling family prayers that are regular practices for faithful Latter-day Saints. Consider attendance at seminary for youth or institute classes for young adults. Though each of these practices may seem to be small and simple, over time they result in powerful spiritual uplift and growth. This occurs because each of these small and simple things invites the companionship of the Holy Ghost, the Testifier who enlightens us and guides us into truth.”8

Oh how we and our families need the blessings that come from living the gospel of Jess Christ every day, consciously keeping the commandments and willingly following the prophet! One of those small and simple things is going to the temple. You may remember the prophetic blessing that came with his counsel to spend more time in the temple. Russell M. Nelson not only blessed us “to identify those things [we] can set aside so that [we] can spend more time in the temple,” but he also blessed us with “greater harmony and love in [our] homes and a deeper desire to care for [our] eternal family relationships”9 as we do.

Strong marriages and families do more than bless individual homes. Brother Durrant shared this powerful quote from L. Tom Perry, “The health of any society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity, and their peace all find common roots in the teaching of children in the home.”10

Whether our family consists of one, twenty-one or a hundred and one, this counsel and advice, along with the blessings and promises, applies to all of us. May we do all we can to make our homes sanctuaries, where all who enter can feel the Spirit of the Lord. May they be sacred places of love and learning.

Living the gospel of Jesus Christ will always bless our lives and the lives of those who are close to us, whether they are family or not. What we say matters. What we do matters even more! Our challenge is to live lives worthy of emulating – every day and by anyone!