Marriage - An Eternal Partnership

Aug 8, 2016
5 min read

Howard W. Hunter said, “The greatest decision you must make is the decision that’s going to shape your life for eternity, and that is your marriage.” When I first read this quote, I interpreted it to mean that who we choose to marry is the greatest decision that will shape our life for eternity. And certainly that is true. James E. Faust taught, “Some choices have greater consequences than others. We make no greater voluntary choice in this life than the selection of a marriage partner. This decision can bring eternal happiness and joy.”1 Spencer W. Kimball said, “Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but eternal joys as well.”2

Clearly our choices matter! And who we marry has eternal significance. There is, I believe however, a deeper meaning in President Hunter’s quote. It is our marriage, and the daily decisions we make within our marriage, that will shape our life for eternity.

In Chapter 16, Marriage – An Eternal Partnership, Howard W. Hunter reminds us that marriage “is a learned behavior. Our conscious effort, not instinct, determines the success. A wise choice of partner is a large contribution to a successful marriage, yet the conscious effort to do one’s part fully is the greatest element contributing to success.”

What are the conscious efforts we are making to strengthen our marriages? David A. Bednar asked some pretty specific questions that we may want to consider. “Do you and I discern areas where we need to improve? Is the Holy Ghost inspiring our minds and softening our hearts and encouraging us to do and to become better? Are we focusing our efforts on strengthening marriage and the home?” He then shared this personal experience, which is such a great example of the conscious effort that is needed in marriage:

“Many years ago, Sister Bednar and I were busy trying to meet the countless competing demands of a young and energetic family—and of Church, career, and community responsibilities. One evening after the children were asleep, we talked at length about how effectively we were attending to all of our important priorities. We realized that we would not receive the promised blessings in eternity if we did not honor more fully the covenant we had made in mortality. We resolved together to do and to be better as a husband and a wife. That lesson learned so many years ago has made a tremendous difference in our marriage.”3

“No relationship on earth needs friendship more than marriage,” said Marion D. Hanks. “Friendship … rejoices in the uniqueness of the other, listens patiently, gives generously, forgives freely. It will not pretend perfection nor demand it. It will not insist that both respond exactly the same in every thought and feeling, but it will bring to the union honesty, integrity. There will be repentance and forgiveness in every marriage – every good marriage – and respect and trust. A marriage that we can joyfully look forward to eternally must be a good marriage here.”4

Those are definitely things that should be on our “conscious effort” list. A few other things to add to that list from President Hunter are oneness of heart, tenderness and selflessness. President Hunter said, “We must have understanding, give our best, and make life beautiful. That kind of love which faces all of life’s little difficulties hand in hand entwining the souls, is the ultimate expression of human happiness.”

Happy, successful marriages take time and commitment! But Russell M. Nelson tells us, “No sacrifice is too great to have the blessings of an eternal marriage.”5 Life will always be full of challenges. Our marriages will also have their fair share of challenges. The adversary is fully aware of the importance of eternal marriages and will try to wreak havoc whenever and wherever possible. That is the case with anything of eternal significance. David A. Bednar reminds us, “We have been counseled strongly by the First Presidency to devote our best efforts to the strengthening of marriage and the home. Such instruction has never been more needed in the world than it is today, as the sanctity of marriage is attacked and the importance of the home is undermined.”3

Robert D. Hales profoundly states, “Temple marriage describes the place you go to have the marriage performed. Celestial marriage is being true to the sacred covenants you make in that temple marriage ceremony – living celestial principles in the marriage relationship. A celestial marriage requires, after the vows are taken, a continuing consecrated life of worthiness leading to happiness and exaltation. Something as wonderful as a celestial marriage doesn’t just happen.”6

In our most recent general conference, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “Marriages and families are meant to be eternal. The doctrine of eternal families must inspire us to dedicate our best efforts to saving and enriching our marriages and families. Work each day to make your marriage stronger and happier.”7

When we understand what eternal implies, we will make a more conscious effort to ensure our marriages are better. F. Burton Howard’s description of eternal is a perfect example of that. He says, “Eternal implies continuing growth and improvement. It means that man and wife will honestly try to perfect themselves. It means that the marriage relationship is not to be frivolously discarded at the first sign of disagreement or when times get hard. It signifies that love will grow stronger with time and that it extends beyond the grave. It means that each partner will be blessed with the company of the other partner forever and that problems and differences might as well be resolved because they are not going to go away. Eternal signifies repentance, forgiveness, long-suffering, patience, hope, charity, love, and humility. All of these things are involved in anything that is eternal, and surely we must learn and practice them if we intend to claim an eternal marriage. Eternal marriage cannot be achieved without a commitment to make it work.”

Elder Burton offers this powerful reminder, “If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that.”8

Our conscious effort to make our marriage celestial will be worth every effort. Our inspiration to do so, Marion D. Hanks beautifully taught, is so we can have the sweet assurance that "heaven will be heaven for us because we know we will be there with the one we love the best.”4